The Importance of Christian Relationship

The Design

“One of the two who heard John speak, and followed Him, was Andrew, Simon Peter's brother. He first found his own brother Simon, and said to him, ‘We have found the Messiah’ (which is translated, the Christ). And he brought him to Jesus.” (John 1:40-42a)

Peter came to know Jesus because of relationship. It was his brother Andrew who brought him to Jesus.

MANY years later, when I was 31, I came to Jesus through my relationship with my wife Laurie who had been a Christian most of her life. Between her influence and a relationship I developed with Dan Ledford, the preacher at her church, I came to be born again.

For many, many years I attended church services – showing up at the last minute like almost everyone else and often rushing out to some restaurant or home to lunch after services. The church culture seemed to want us in there and out after it was over as quickly as possible. I know this wasn’t the intention but it all seemed to minimize the importance of human relationship.

In retrospect, it also seems to have resulted in minimizing the idea of relating to Jesus in terms of relationship. In relationship, there is movement back and forth between participants. In religion, there is just people trying to garner God’s attention and, hopefully, His favor.

The loss of awareness as to the importance of human relationship has cost believers intimacy with God.

And we, for the most part, have NO idea what we are missing because we are told this is normal by the systems of man-made religion.

By the time we moved to North Texas in 1997, some 11 years after I was born again, I was hungry for Bible knowledge. I studied it as deeply as I knew how and still do. I was teaching the Bible in church buildings at times, speaking from pulpits, writing articles on things spiritual and teaching the Word over the internet regularly. Of course, I was also attending church services as often as the building was open for business.

Then the Lord had me meet a man who changed my perspective on the importance of relationship in the Body of Christ. His name was Don Gunter and he had undergone a transformation of understanding about this topic.

As time went on our relationship matured which involved TIME with one another. Satan has erected walls which keep people from enjoying the relationship God would have us experience. These are like invisible forcefields which surround all people.

There is something called “proxemics” which is the study of the cultural, behavioral, and sociological aspects of spatial distances between individuals or the effects of the physical distance between people in different cultures and societies.

In most Western cultures there is an invisible 18-inch zone around the people. People from other cultures such as Asian or Hispanic groups tend to have a 12-inch zone. This is a very real thing and I think it’s evidence of the damage satan did to all people in the Fall of Man.

God, of course, is aware of this and knows how detrimental it is for people. Therefore, He has a plan to combat that for believers.

We were born again when we confessed Jesus as Lord (Romans 10:9-13). Instantaneously, we were baptized or placed into Jesus by the Holy Spirit of God.

“For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and have all been made to drink into one Spirit.” (1 Corinthians 12:13) 

“For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.” (Galatians 3:27)

This is something only God, the Holy Spirit, could do. Man cannot baptize people into Jesus because this is a spiritual baptism which results in our salvation. Water baptism serves as an earthly reenactment of that all-important spiritual baptism.

The primary reason for this baptism into Christ, of course, is to save us from our sins and from hell. However, it also accomplishes a multitude of other things for us. I anticipate learning these and being fascinated by them the rest of my earthly life.

One lovely and valuable benefit of having been baptized into Christ is that we are ALL baptized into Him when we are saved. This causes us to all be a part of one body.

“For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.” (Romans 12:4-5)

In 1998 or so the Lord had me meet Don Gunter, who later came to watch over my soul (a concept found in Hebrews 13:17). Don passed away a few years ago. By then we had served one another in various ways, had spent time in one another’s homes and had travelled together. We came to know one another deeply and to each care about things and situations that mattered to the other.

I now understand this to be the pastoral relationship spoken about in Hebrews 13:17 and whenever Jesus spoke about sheep and shepherds in the Word. I practice this with a number of other people and have for many years and my dedication to that relationship has been matched by some…but not all those who asked to be in the pastoral relationship with me.

More about that sort of thing in an article to come.

So, the pastoral relationship is just one of many in the body of Christ. There is also the siblings in Christ relationship which is why there are so many verses about brothers and sisters and brethren. These aren’t just “churchy” code words. They indicate a real relationship intended by God.

EVERY relationship intended by God (husband/wife, parent/child, boss/worker, teacher/student, those between students and co-workers, sibling relationships and others has grace supplied by God to empower and enhance those relationships.

How do I know this? I get that from God’s Word:

“For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for you Gentiles—if indeed you have heard of the dispensation of the grace of God which was given to me for you, how that by revelation He made known to me the mystery (as I have briefly written already, by which, when you read, you may understand my knowledge in the mystery of Christ), which in other ages was not made known to the sons of men, as it has now been revealed by the Spirit to His holy apostles and prophets: that the Gentiles should be fellow heirs, of the same body, and partakers of His promise in Christ through the gospel, of which I became a minister according to the gift of the grace of God given to me by the effective working of His power. To me, who am less than the least of all the saints, this grace was given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make all see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the ages has been hidden in God who created all things through Jesus Christ…” (Ephesians 3:1-9)

My point is that God has given us grace for every situation and every relationship He intends for us to have. However, most of us have never heard this and, therefore, we don’t even consider accessing that grace. We waste it.

You know, I have a fairly substantial library both at home and at my ministry office. This library contains literally hundreds of books. I love books. I’ve read many of these books and have CONSUMED their contents.

However, there are many that I have which I have never even opened. These represent resources which are available to me but which have never benefitted me. Why? I haven’t (at least. yet) received what they contain.

That same dynamic exists for the grace God has given us for earthly relationships and for those relationship themselves. If all I do is smile and nod at people as I pass them in hallways in a church building I will WASTE what God intends for me to give and receive in that relationship.

“We then, as workers together with Him also plead with you not to receive the grace of God in vain.” (2 Corinthians 6:1)

Now, I know that that verse, in context, isn’t about this topic in particular; however, the fact remains that it is possible to receive grace from God and to do so in vain…by never practicing it. 

There is a tragic incident recorded in Matthew’s gospel and I’ll relate it here:

“Now behold, one came and said to Him, ‘Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?’ So He said to him, ‘Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.’ He said to Him, ‘Which ones?’ Jesus said, ‘'YOU SHALL NOT MURDER,' 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,' 'YOU SHALL NOT STEAL,' 'YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS,'  'HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER,' and, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ The young man said to Him, ‘All these things I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?’ Jesus said to him, ‘If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.’ But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.” (Matthew 19:16-22)

That word “perfect” in verse 21 really means “complete”. The “rich young ruler” as he is known to us did not realize that when he asked how to have “eternal life” he was really asking, “How can I be in relationship with You, Jesus?”.

In response, Jesus showed him what on the earth would impede that relationship. Sadly, the young man chose those things over a potential relationship with the Lord. He chose to remain spiritually incomplete. He wasted the grace extended to him by the Lord.

During the time I was discipled by Don Gunter he gently challenged my ideas about what Christianity was all about. I thought it was about obligatory worship, serving, giving…because I felt I owed the Lord for saving me. Now, I understand that this is a spiritually ridiculous idea that many Christians entertain.

Works can never repay the Lord.

Don taught me from the Scriptures that from early on Jesus chose to build His Kingdom utilizing God’s design for relationships. That’s why I started this piece with the true story of Andrew rushing to Simon Peter to tell him they had found the Messiah.

The Scriptures reveal that during the next three years Jesus spends a LOT of time with the original twelve disciples and, also, the others who began to associate themselves with Him. Among these are various levels of relationship.

It seems John, who was apparently very young (17) when he began to follow Jesus was VERY close to Jesus (John 13:23; 19:26). We know that Peter, James and John were chosen by the Lord for some special experiences which the other disciples were not invited to experience:

1. They were present at and witnessed the raising of Jairus’ daughter from the dead. (Mark 5:37; Luke 8:51)

2. They experienced the transfiguration of Jesus. (Matthew 17:1; Mark 9:2; Luke 9:28)

3. They were invited by Jesus to stay awake and keep Him company in the Garden of Gethsemane prior to His arrest and the beginning of His torture at the hands of the religious leaders of His day. (Matthew 26:37)

There were most likely many families like that of Mary, Martha and Lazarus which would open their homes to Jesus and their disciples.

After the Crucifixion, the apostles and other disciples most likely were gathered with Jesus’ family to pray with them for seven days in their grief. This was the custom of the Jews. They were sitting "Shiva" with His mother, brothers and sisters and others who loved Jesus. (I wonder if the 7 days was cut to 3 when He rose from the dead…)

Let’s not miss the importance of gathering in relationship in times of grief.

After the Resurrection we see the disciples clustered together in fear of the Jews (John 20:19). They opted to be TOGETHER instead of scattering in terror, since they were used to being in relationship as disciples. These people, most of whom might not have known one another before meeting the Lord, saw one another as brothers and sisters now – united through their association with Jesus.

Before the Day of Pentecost, the surviving eleven disciples are in the upper room with Mary the mother of Jesus and His siblings and many others…about 120 in total. There they chose Matthias to replace Judas and they prayed for and awaited the Holy Spirit Who the Lord had promised to send (Acts 1:12ff).

They were TOGETHER. They weren’t going through religious motions; rather, they prayed and reasoned through what they were experiencing as equals. They LIVED together. And, on the Day of Pentecost, that’s where they were when the Holy Spirit filled them all equally (Acts 2:1ff).

That day the Lord began adding people to HIS one Church daily (Acts 2:47). The original 120 or so and these new ones saw themselves as being ONE. This is exactly what Jesus prayed to His Father and said He longed to see.  

“I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own. As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd.” (John 10:14-16)

…and…

“And all Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine, and I am glorified in them. Now I am no longer in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep through Your name those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We are.” (John 17:10-11)

…and…

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word (this is you and me!!!); that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.” (John 17:20-23)

The Problem

In stark contrast to the Oneness in Christ the Lord hungered to see, is the state of HIS Church today. There are reportedly 45 THOUSAND denominations in the Church which also represent thousands of sub-denominations and MILLIONS of stand-alone congregations.

This is a far cry from the unified Body of Christ Jesus had in mind. This, I believe, is the singular reason so few come to the Lord today: the lost do not see us as being one with Jesus (and one another).

The reason I am mentioning this is that this tragic division of pandemic proportions represents the devastation done to relationship in the Church. In many places there is absolutely NO relationship in the Body of Christ.

Often interaction is almost non-existent. Seeing the point of Gathering to be to give money, sing a few strictly orchestrated songs and sit still and shut up while someone lectures…most never practice relationship at all. After the service, most people rush out as soon as it ends. Many see church attendance to be an obligation demanded of them by God.

I am aware that many places have regular “fellowship meals” and these DO bring a little real fellowship to people. That’s a good thing because life in this world is lonely and most people feel separated from one another. We NEED real relationship.

God clearly tells us that He supplies everything we need.

“…my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

We NEED relationship with other believers and with God and His original design for the Church was intended to supply both. It was designed to be intimate and personal. I’m not talking about planned out worship services. I’m talking about PEOPLE – which is what “the Church” is.

Listen to how Paul explains it:

“…that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” (Ephesians 4:14-16)

In the human physical body, joints CONNECT parts which are different but which are all parts of the BODY. Joints allow the parts to function together as the body is designed to do.

This is relationship in action. It connects us as parts of the Body of Christ and enables us to work in union with one another to accomplish the things of the Kingdom down here on earth.

That’s why satan hates Christian relationship and THAT’S a huge reason he has tempted people to DIVIDE the Church Jesus desired to be one itself, with Him and the Father. The devil has been VERY successful at this.

And it doesn’t just have to do with devolving the ORGANISM of the Body of Christ (God’s name for the Church) into a rather uncaring human ORGANIZATION. It also has to do with successfully tempting individuals to separate themselves from other people, especially fellow believers, when under stress.

We saw earlier that, as reported in Acts 1:12ff, believers clung to one another and gathered together when under persecution. They understand the value of suffering as one and co-encouraging one another. What do we see now?

I’ve seen many who isolate from the rest of their brothers and sisters in Christ when things get hard. Some do this by simply staying away. Many, sadly, turn to alcohol and other drugs, pornography, sexual sin and other excesses – all of which further isolate people.

The Solution

Any solution to a problem in the Body of Christ starts with recognition and repentance.

We must recognize that there IS a problem and that must grieve us to the point that we will commit to repent of willfully and freely practicing the problem. I WILL say this: if you read an article like this one and recognize that you don’t want to function as a part of the Church…that you enjoy being separated from your brothers and sisters in Christ…ask the Lord to reveal to you if you are really born again.

One telling red flag is when we practice things which are sin and which are destructive to ourselves and others and never feel convicted of the sin. When we are saved we have Holy Spirit living in our human spirits and one of His roles is to convict us of sin and other things too (John 16:8).

If you don’t care that you are sinning and hurting yourself and others you might not be born again. That’s well worth investigating.

What can we do to combat satan’s attack on human relationship in and outside the Church? Here are some ideas:

-  Make it a point to open your own heart to people who seem to be safe with which to do so. Make eye contact. Be real.

-  Resist rituals for ritual sake. These are meaningless. Instead, practice real relationship with others.

-  Pay attention to who it seems the Lord is connecting you with because these are the joints we saw in Ephesians 4. Each of these joints comes with their own supply of grace from God designed to grow us and strengthen those bonds.

-  Practice THOSE relationships. This will entail knowing others and being known by them. This can seem daunting at first because it involves vulnerability but I recommend that we make ourselves vulnerable to GOD as it pertains to the people He places in our lives – not simply vulnerable to them.

-  Most of all, trust the Lord and HIS design as opposed to the systems of people and the world. ALL the systems of the world and people are ultimately designed by and administrated by the devil and his goal is to steal, kill and destroy.

“Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.” (Acts 2:44-47)

That sounds nice, doesn’t it? When believers practiced relationship, others saw it and hungered for what they had. That’s still available for us now.

The term “one another” shows up dozens of times in the New Testament – often referring to how we are to live as one in the Church. Here is one of my favorites:

“For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.” (Romans 12:4-5)

Once, while counseling someone I heard the Lord say to me that “health is when people behave in accordance to the truth of their situation.” Therefore, boys should act like boys and girls act like girls…married people should behave as if they are one in the marriage and not as two separate people who simply live together…and members of Christ’s ONE body should act like they are one.

When we practice this, we will see health and we do not see a lot of health in the Church today because most of us do not practice this reality.

Oh! How I long to see the Church restored to its original, personal, passionate and spiritually productive glory!

I hope this piece has encouraged you to look at and address these issues in your own life.

I’ll close this teaching with the beautiful recommendations of the Apostle Paul given as he instructed

believers how to live as one in one spiritual body. Take note at all the “one another” statements in this passage:

“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:9-18)

This has been written in the love of Christ.

Pastor Mike McInerney

Mike McInerney Ministries, Inc.

© May 12, 2025  

(for use with permission)